


repression

by manic_no



Category: Dimensional Links, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This While Listening to Hozier's Music, Internalized Homophobia, Lowercase, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Personal Growth, Repression, Song: Like Real People Do (Hozier), god this is so shit but i have to hurt lore because of my own problems as you do, im so sorry for this btw, only a bit though because yknow how it be when you don’t understand yourself, to be specific
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:08:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23865040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manic_no/pseuds/manic_no
Summary: re·pres·sion/rəˈpreSH(ə)n/nounnoun: repression; plural noun: repressions• the action of subduing someone or something by force.• the restraint, prevention, or inhibition of a feeling, quality, etc.• the action or process of suppressing a thought or desire in oneself so that it remains unconscious.aka i wrote lore as a repressed homosexual and i’m so sorry but i had to do it.
Relationships: Link/Ralph, or it’s minor can be seen as just a crush if you have a hard on for other ships don’t worry
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	repression

re·pres·sion /rəˈpreSH(ə)n/

noun

noun: repression; plural noun:

  * repressions the action of subduing someone or something by force.
  * the restraint, prevention, or inhibition of a feeling, quality, etc.
  * the action or process of suppressing a thought or desire in oneself so that it remains unconscious.



it was following him.

lore had no clue what it was, but it was following him.

it felt like it had been following him for years, even if he only now realized it. it had found him on his second adventure. perhaps he picked it up due to travelling through time and being overall weird.

yet, he had thought it was just a byproduct of his adventure. it had quieted down when he first started talking to ralph, that arrogant bastard. it had morphed into just his regular feelings toward the fellow teen, leaving him with irritation and a determination to prove himself. as the two grew closer together, though, it seemed to become more prominent. when ralph tried to sacrifice himself for the ‘greater good’, lore felt it try to strangle him.

but that’s just what you feel when you become friends with someone, lore supposed, and moved on. he wanted to be near him and hang out with him because they were friends. despite how he tried to suppress it, he was terrified of losing him, scared of losing his most favoured companion. that was it though.

however, he had no clue why it continued into this. why it plagued his mind day and night, keeping him awake and staring into mirror and simply space as his mind and heart raged without reason. he definitely had no clue why it seemed to gain form now, at 3am on this random hill in Labrynnia.

lore stared at the indescribable form. it stared back, which confused him as why would an indescribable form have eyes?! excluding the fact that it shouldn’t exist in the first place, of course. if lore _did_ try to described it, which was ridiculous of him and backwards, he’d find that it was everything and nothing at the same time.

it was small, hardly occupying the patch of grass. yet, it filled the entire plain, the entire world if lore was being honest. it was guarded and secluded, but lore found himself ripped wide open by its very existence. it felt as though if anyone were to find it, they’d destroy him and throw him into a pit before covering it up where no one could see his sins again. he wanted to hide it away, trap it in a lonely tower or confining box, which would be thrown into the farthest side of the closet so no one could find it. he wanted it to be destroyed, but it had these seemingly sad eyes that made him want to hug it. he could wrap it in his arms, comfort it as it cried out, but another part of him might strangle it if it got too loud.

he wanted to hear it though. as damning a piece of evidence it was, in what trial he knew not, he wanted to see what it was. wanted it to explain its presence, why it haunted him for no good reason, one he certainly couldn’t find. he wanted to know why it followed him most of all, and so he asked.

it opened its mouth, which both terrified and comforted him. “why aren’t i here? is it not enough that i exist?”

lore frowned at its phrasing. “that makes no sense—“ which was hypocritical for him, as he found he never did either “—you need to answer the question with an answer, not another question!”

“ah, so that is why i am here,” the— thing relaxed. “i had thought i was a mistake, when it’s more that you are.”

“i’m not a mistake!” lore countered, enraged. “what do you know of such things, you’re just a thing!” which wasn’t fair, as you shouldn’t call beings things just because they insulted you first.

“i may be a thing, but that means i’m more likely to be true,” it stated matter of factly. “you aren’t a thing. you are so complex you can’t even see the truth right inside you. you caused me, and now i must cause myself.”

“what truth can i not see inside me?” lore dared. “i may not admit it aloud, but i know what’s going on. i have known what was inside me since i was a child. i haven’t changed that much. i know i’ve seen more than others, and it’s hurt me. i know i don’t belong with some people, and it isolates me. i know i am a freak, and it caused this.”

“do you simply think you’re a freak, or do you know why you think it?” it grasped, turning towards him even more from its seating. lore didn’t quite like it’s phrasing again.

“i am a freak, there’s nothing to explain about it. i’m different from others because i’m just not right. i don’t belong with them because of it, that’s all there is about it.”

“there is always a reason for those thoughts. some would say it’s just depression speaking, but that isn’t the entire cause. others would say it’s because you’re mentally wired differently, and they wouldn’t be wrong, but would draw the false conclusion.”

“what is the right conclusion then?!” lore fumed, stepping toward it more as if to challenge it. “if it is something i can change, then i’ll do it. it isn’t fair to not be able to be included because i’m a bit off.”

“you’re right that it isn’t, but it isn’t something you can just switch on and off. and you know what it is as well, or you wouldn’t feel this way towards me, and i wouldn’t have showed up. you see it whenever you watch a lad train,” it tried.

“i see a knight training, nothing more. i only feel fellowship towards him.” lore returned.

“you see it when a merchant’s son gives you a smile.”

“i see a nice goods seller, the heat on my face was because of the sun.”

“you saw it when those boys were gushing over girls, but you could only think of one of them’s freckles in the sweet summer sunlight.”

“i saw that i was more mature than them and felt envy for his complexion.”

“you felt it when you tried to emulate that feeling by dating a girl, but couldn’t bring yourself to even touch her,” it demanded attention to, it’s voice loud and serious. lore felt the world begin to shrink on him.

lore blanched. “i- that means nothing, she just wasn’t the one—“

“you felt it when your fellow soldier drunkenly brushed your cheek with a kiss after you won that tournament.”

“that- that was nothing, we both didn’t mean it—“

it got up from its spot, rage growing and escaping into the area around them. “you felt it months afterwards when you would touch the spot and wondered if-!”

the area was way too small. it stole his breath and replaced him with fear of its wrath. “i never did that, you’re _lying_ -“

“you feel it every time you think of ralph and his smile and his laugh!”

“ _stop_!”

“you feel it every time he brushes past you and melt at the slightest touch!”

“that’s _enough_!”

“you feel it every time you sit beside each other, and his hand is _right there_ , so close you could just grab it!”

“ **please** -“

“you feel it when his face is mere inches away and you are so mesmerized by his eyes you almost take the last step to ki-“

“ **I DON'T WANT TO FEEL IT!** ” lore finally yelled out, tears streaming quicker than it’s words. “ _ **Please**_ ….please _take_ it from me! i don’t want it!” lore sobbed, falling down to the ground as if the words sealed his death. “change it, change _me_ , i can’t bear it…” he begged it, grasping his hair as if it would protect him from the truth.

“you can’t change it.” it softly said. its form reached forward to comfort him. “you can not change who you are, neither can anyone or anything else. you need to accept it or you’ll destroy yourself from the inside.”

“i….so that is what you are then? these....feelings?” lore guessed, looking up at him through slowing tears.

“in a way. i am just a representation of what you fear so much. i may leave, but this won’t. it’s a part of you that will not ever leave you. you may bury it, but it will stay. you can either continue this, or accept it as part of yourself.” 

“and….if i’m scared to?” he sniffled out. 

“then it is understandable, as it is a truth that changes perception and experience. it will be ok in the end though. but you must make it so.” 

“ok….ok.” lore trusted the being, yet was shocked when he finally turned to it. as he dried his tears, it seemed to fade slowly, visibly going transparent. it gave him a soft smile when his eyes widened, which he was confused on how it could do. 

“you aren’t killing me, neither are you losing this feeling,” it responded to his fears. “i’m part of you as long as you remember me, as most things do in memories. it was a pleasure to exist, but i’d rather not exist again, if you would be so kind.” 

lore’s face was blank before he recognized what it meant.

“i…. of course! i don’t know how i can go back on what you did, anyways.” 

“good, it’s nice to be effective. previous methods didn’t seem to work.” the two— or perhaps, one and one eighth of a being— chuckled. it was just a voice on the wind when it spoke for the final time. “you’re not alone, understand, lore?” 

a final tear slipped from his eye before he looked up with tired yet determined hope, “i really hope not.”


End file.
